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"Women ‘marry into’ the disease"
The
Star (www.thestar.com.my)
(04/12/05)
ALTHOUGH their ages range between the late 20s and early 40s, the four HIV+
women who gathered at the counselling room in the government hospital in
Kota Baru told somewhat similar stories.
The women said their husbands infected them; they never knew that their
husbands were HIV+, “dia tak ghoyat” and that it was not their doing, “bukan
kita yang cari.”
The initial shock had worn off, and they narrated their stories in almost
stoic resignation — all except for Che Yam whose anger has not abated.
“Dia orang aniaya saya; (they caused me harm). Dia orang tak goyat, (they
did not tell me). My in-laws knew that my late husband was HIV+ when they
arranged for our marriage. I did not know until he started getting ill
constantly and had to be admitted to the hospital. By then, we had had two
daughters,” related Che Yam, 37, who felt so betrayed she left her tour
guide husband and has severed all ties with his family.
She brought her daughters back to Kelantan, and has not gone back to Kedah
since — not even when her husband became very ill and passed away last year.
The first thing she did was to get herself and her daughters tested for HIV;
Che Yam was diagnosed as HIV+ but her daughters were negative.
“How could they do that to me? Luckily, my children did not get it,” Che Yam
lamented.
Almost 88% of the HIV+ women treated at the Kota Baru hospital between Jan
2002 and Oct 2004 were infected by their husbands.
“From our survey, we found that women have a low sense of self worth and
assertiveness in taking control of their lives. They do not take care of
themselves very well. Most come for HIV screening when their husband, or
children or they themselves have been admitted to hospital for AIDS-related
illnesses. Some are also detected when they are screened for HIV in
antenatal clinics.
“In our culture, women always say yes to their husband. He is the king at
home,” said staff nurse Zaimah Hussin who has been counselling HIV+ patients
at the Kota Baru hospital since 1995.
In 2002, Kelantan and Wilayah Persekutuan had the highest number of women
infected with HIV. Although such detailed statistics are not available for
recent years, doctors at the Kota Baru hospital believe that the number of
women newly infected with HIV in Kelantan is among the highest in the
country.
Infectious disease consultant at the Kota Baru hospital Dr Mahiran Mustapha
noted that Che Yam’s story is not so uncommon.
“When their sons come out of Pusat Serenti (drug rehabilitation centre),
some parents arrange for their marriage because they think it could make
them more responsible. They also want someone to take care of their sons.”
Dr Mahiran also traced the high number of women infected in Kelantan to the
higher number of remarriages among women there. Some are also in polygamous
marriages.
Some of the HIV+ patients treated at the hospital remarry, despite knowing
their HIV+ status. Not all would disclose their status to their new
husbands.
Som, 42, was her fourth husband’s second wife when she got infected. He
passed away last year, but she told her family that he died from
tuberculosis without mentioning he had AIDS. As she was leaving, Som
whispered to Zaimah that she would be marrying for the fifth time.
All Zaimah could do was to get Som to promise to bring her future husband
for counselling. It is mandatory to notify the spouse of a person’s HIV+
status, but not to future husbands.
All the four women at the counselling session are careful to keep their HIV+
status a secret in their communities. People still think that AIDS is a
shameful disease contracted by sinful behaviour such as engaging in zina or
illicit sex. Even though the women kept defending their ‘innocence’, “bukan
kita yang cari, (we did not go looking for this)”, they dare not put their
families or communities’ sympathies to the test.
“No one ostracised me openly. But when my father helped to cook at a kenduri,
people were afraid. In school, her friends asked my daughter if her mother
has AIDS.”
Che Yam told her 11-year-old daughter to not bother, and kept assuring her
that “adik tak ada kuman itu, (you don't have the virus).” She said
defiantly that she does not care what others have to say, “I pretend like I
don’t know anything.”
However, someone spread the rumour that Che Yam was HIV+ at the plant
nursery where she worked.
“It was someone from my village. After that, my employer told me that I
should be careful with my hands. I did not go back to work the next day. It
was better that I retreat before something bad happens,” said Che Yam who
now lives on her family’s aid and her late husband’s EPF money.
“I have to work again,” said Cik Yam who is healthy after going on
antiretroviral treatment.
Notes: STF -: Almost all the HIV+ women treated at the Hospital Raja
Perempuan Zainab II in Kota Baru, Kelantan were infected by their husbands.
Many are poor housewives left to fend for their families, and deal with the
fear of being ostracised if people found out they are HIV+, reports IVY SOON
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