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"Don’t give up"
The
Star (www.thestar.com.my)
(14/12/05)
IT all began seven years ago. I was diagnosed HIV+. Having heard what the
doctor told me, I was devastated! I just could not believe my ears. Me …
HIV+?
My immediate response was no …! It isn’t possible. It can’t be. There must
be some mistake. I was yelling at the poor doctor.
Unfortunately, there were no mistakes. The blood tests confirmed that I was
carrying the virus of the killer disease.
Funnily enough, I wasn’t crying then. Instead, I was too busy figuring out
why, when, where and how I had contracted the disease.
But at the same time, I had so much fear inside me. I was worried about my
life span. I was worried about my medical expenses. Most anti-retroviral
drugs are very expensive. It could even cost one his or her monthly salary.
I was also worried about the people around me, the people I love and those
who love me. Would they stand by me, or would they shun me?
It is not easy talking about a “personal tragedy”. I hope this write-up will
serve as an inspiration to People Living With HIV/AIDS (PLWHA), their
families, friends, loved ones and every human being regardless of religion,
race, age and gender. My hope is also that the community at large will have
a better understanding of the feelings of PLWHA.
I wish to clear the misunderstanding that when HIV/AIDS strikes, all hope
disappears.
Being labelled as a PLWHA, I worry about my life span. How long do I have to
live? That was the first question I asked after I was confirmed to be HIV+.
But why talk about dying? All of us have to die one day, anyway. Cancer
patients will die, a person with a heart problem will die, diabetic patients
will die. If your kidney fails to function, you will die. Even if you are a
healthy person, you will still die. You can die for many reasons and
everyone will die someday.
Do not give up on life and just wait for death. Do not give up without
fighting. Do not give up hope even if hope is all you have for the moment.
If we are strong, others will respect us. But if we are weak, nobody will
feel sorry for us. Nobody can help us. Only we can help ourselves.
Society seems to forget that PLWHA are also human. We have feelings too. We
want to be respected. We want to be loved. We feel the pain when we are
neglected, isolated and discriminated against. We would like to be treated
just like everyone else.
But most of the time, it does not happen that way. Simply because people are
afraid of us. Society’s perception of PLWHA is that they are a danger to
society as they feel PLWHA can easily spread the virus.
Society is ignorant about HIV/AIDS and it is this fear that keeps people
from knowing the truth about HIV/AIDS. Many people think that PLWHA deserve
what has come to them and associate them with immoral lifestyles.
This is the main reason why many people who have been tested HIV+ go into
hiding and are afraid to seek medical help.
I think PLWHA end up dying faster not so much from the virus but from
depression, fear, isolation, hopelessness, stigma, discrimination and lack
of care and support associated with HIV/AIDS. You can treat PLWHA with the
best medicine the world can offer, but without love and compassion, what
good would that be?
Another thing I would like to share is that one should never forget God.
Even if nobody else loves and cares for us, we still have God. God will
never leave us. Talk to God. God listens to us unconditionally.
n The contributor of this letter comes from the Community AIDS Service
Penang (CASP), an NGO in the Northern Region, established in 1989 and one of
the pioneers in AIDS work. CASP have been in operation for the last 16 years
serving the community in the following areas: HIV/AIDS education/awareness
to specific groups and general public to prevent HIV transmission;
information and referral services; outreach to Youth; providing emotional
support to people living with HIV/AIDS their families and friends.
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